Far be it for me to judge my neighbors. That said , Let the judging begin.
For the better part of almost a year I have noticed a strange ritual going on with one of my neighbors down the hall. Several times during the week, could be every day I don’t take notes, a styrofoam cooler appears outside their door. On a few rare occasions I have seen a woman leave the apartment . This went on for some time without any other clues revealing themselves. Then one day I saw a UPS driver taking away one of the suspect coolers. There was one still at the door so I can only assume that he had dropped off that one and was taking an empty with him. Cue the imagination. Now I immediately ruled out an alien able to grow organs at will and selling them to make rent. I mean come on , an alien coming to this planet without enough cash , please, not too mention the whole organ match thing. My next thought was that perhaps she was a middleman (middle-person, sorry I am not sure what the proper term is these days) in an international stolen organ ring. They are always international otherwise they sound so pedestrian. She did look a little familiar I might have seen her at an airport lounge looking for travelers to drug and then steal a kidney from. Apparently I did not rate worthy enough to waste a mickey on. Ruling out those totally ridiculous theories I came to one logical conclusion. One of my neighbors is a vampire.
Now I have never actually gotten a good look at her per se which only strengthens the theory. You know, keeps odd hours, avoids daylight and human contact in general, except for the rare times deliveries can’t be made and she has to break out her fangs. I can only assume she is a vampiress (come on spellcheck we all know that a female vampire is a vampiress). Perhaps a countess. It is a known fact , vampirism and countesses go hand in hand. The last clue, and the clincher, is that I never, ever, in the year that I have lived down the hall from her , smelled garlic emanating from her apartment. Case solved.
One can only hope that she is a kindler gentler vampire . You know, the kind that sparkles in the sun rather than turn into a mass of putrid flesh. The cooler deliveries tend to back up the kindler gentler part. So my friends , if I start keeping odd hours and the number of times you see me can only be documented in your yearly calendars ,do not fret, I am probably keeping company with a pale complected , slightly older (by 300 years) woman. Do not judge, be happy for me.