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From The Case Files of Grok, The Original Detective: “The Harder They Fall”

Grok was convinced that several things held him back from being the richest man in the village, his sense of justice , his lack of cool last name (well having a last name would be a good start) and his lame job title.   “Finder for hire”  did not have the right ring to it.  Never mind that none of the villagers could handle the concept of an extra syllable, he wasn’t going to let that get in the way of crafting a better job title.

Grok had only been a finder for a short time but the things he had seen had made him lose his faith in humanity. Oh sure the humanity he knew could barely walk upright and they had not quite mastered the concept of multi-syllabic words but that didn’t stop them from being mean to each other.  Often he found himself helping out folks not for payment but because it was the right thing to do. It really ticked him off when the strong prayed on the weak.  He wasn’t worried about physical confrontation. His newfound intellectual powers allowed him to outsmart most troublemakers. Sometimes though, a bully had to be taught a lesson.

His next door neighbor, who Grok referred to as Big Hairy Guy or Big Hairy* for short, was such a bully.  The cave drawings Grok had provided to Big Hairy’s mate had provided little effect on his philandering. He was not sure Big Hairy understood what the drawings had meant. Everyones’s a critic. It was obvious Big Hairy was continuing his philandering ways with every unwilling female in the village. It did not take a paleontologist to figure it out and Grok did not have to tale him either. There were many a time when a concussed female would come knocking on his cave looking for Big Hairy. He knew these women would have been able to find him if it were not for Hairy’s suave clubbing skills.

Grok had enough of  dinnertime interruptions  and a decreasing population of lucid females in his village. Action had to be taken and Grok had a plan. He was going to lure Big Hairy into a trap by providing him a surprise victim, Grok himself.

It wouldn’t take much to present himself as a female to Big Hairy.  Not many of the local  women had discovered the secret of using a sharp rock for getting rid of unwanted hair. As for hygiene, the only thing that separated the fairer sex from the brutes in this village was a monthly bath. It was not a pleasant place to be during the scorching heat of a still summer.  All it would take for Hairy to find Grok appealing would be a quick dip in the nearby watering hole and a second animal skin for a top. It frightened him to think that all that prevented him from getting constantly hit on was  the lack of a second strategically placed loincloth.

At dusk Grok put his plan into action and hid behind the bushes near Big Hairy’s cave. The bushes allowed him to observe the caves entrance without being seen but the insects they attracted were driving him nuts. Perhaps there were advantages to poor hygiene.  Fortunately it wasn’t long before Big Hairy emerged from his cave. It was right before dark and he was on the prowl. Grok had planned well.

Grok sauntered out from behind the bushes,  putting an extra wiggle to his lurch to set the bait.  It worked. The beast had caught his scent, or lack thereof, and the hunt was on.  Big Hairy approached Grok trying to appear suave. The only alteration to his look was his feeble attempt to hide his club.

“So much for the subtle art of seduction”, thought Grok. Suddenly Big Hairy shifted his club to make a pass at Grok but Grok was quicker. He ducked and came up revealing a small heavy club of his own. The noise  of the club connecting with Hairy’s head sounded like a gatherer checking a melon for freshness. Big Hairy tried to grab Grok’s waist for support as he was falling. In  doing so he only managed to remove Grok’s loin cloth before passing out.

Grok was getting ready** for another tale job a week later when he thought about the Big Hairy job. He felt satisfied. He had decreased the bully count in the village by one and cured Big Hairy of his philandering. Grok liked to think he helped Hairy see the errors of his ways but more likely it was the discovery of his potential date’s extra equipment that did the trick.

*Grok figured that if the neighbor did not give himself a name then Grok could call him anything he wanted to. If Big Hairy found out ,Grok was sure he wouldn’t comprehend the insult.

** In this case “getting ready” meant choking down some fermented fruit juice so he could turn down his disgust level long enough to do the job. He got it down but wondered why someone couldn’t make better swill.

The Beginning or How Grok Got His Groove On.


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