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Beware of Greeks Baring Yogurt

As a type two diabetic I have to watch my carb intake carefully.
My Father was a type one diabetic for most of his life. My memories of the toll that it took on his body haunts me every time I put food in my mouth. When my ‘go-to’ Yogurt was reformulated, the end result was that the amount of carbs it contained had more than doubled, or had they? A comparison of the nutritional label of the new vs the old formula revealed something different was going on. The label of the new formula was now using 8oz as the serving size. The old label had used 4oz. Needless to say I was a bit upset at myself for thinking I was eating a low carb yogurt in the first place. I guess some part of my mind thought “who eats just four oz of yogurt” when reading the label and it substituted 8oz. Flimsy explanation? Sorry that’s all I got. Needless to say I wasn’t too satisfied either and I went to bed quite cranky. That may explain why I dreamt the following.

The morning sky loomed over Mt Olympus and the rays of the sun shown upon Zeus as he observed the Greek Olympic team working out. Up until now he thought they had an excellent chance to win medals at the first Olympics. Now he was pondering the first Olympic boycott. He was concerned with what he saw and had sent a message to summon Hermes for a discussion.

“You wanted to see me Dad,” said Hermes as he arrived huffing and puffing.

“Yea, like an hour ago,” replied Zeus. “Didn’t I tell you to call me sir in public.”

“Um, Yes Sir. Yea sorry about taking so long but Pheidippides seems to be out of shape these days. Normally he would accompany me back but he’s really gassed today.”

“That seems to be going around,” said Zeus. “Observe carefully as our team practices and tell me what you see.”

“Well at first glance they look fine,” replied Hermes.

“I said observe not glance.” admonished Zeus.

“Sorry sir I will give a sincere look,” said Hermes.

“Well a sincere look is an improvement but far from observing carefully,” said Zeus.

“Sorry again sir I will observe, um..”

“Carefully,” interjected Zeus.

“Yes, That’s it. I will observe carefully,” said Hermes.

“Pay attention Hermes, you’re on shaky ground. I hear Pandora is looking for a gig. You’re just lucky I can’t trust her.”

“Well sir they do seem a bit sluggish.”

“Go on. Anything else?”

“Well the javelin thrower seem to be a tad off sir.”

“You consider an impaling just a tad off?”

“No sir what I meant to say was that his aim was off and now they are carrying Tad off the field. I do hope he pulls through. He’s our best chance at a medal in the pentathlon.”

“So tell me Hermes. Do you have any idea how their performance could drop off so drastically?”

“Outside of the slight, um, complete impaling, I don’t think they’re that bad sir.”

“Oh really. Take a look at our hammer thrower. Does something look odd?”

“I don’t seem to see him sir.”

“Well Hermes do you see that man right there.”

“The one who is lying down and appears to be holding a hammer?”

“Yes, that’s the one. I am not an expert but I am pretty sure that is the hammer thrower and that passing out in mid throw is not proper technique.”

“Yes. I would have to agree with you sir.”

“So as I was saying do you have any idea how they have reached this sorry state?”

“Well sir, not right off the top of my head.”

“Any changes in their regimen or the training table?” asked Zeus.

“Training table sir? I hardly see what the table in the training room has to do with it.”

“That is an expression used in athletics Hermes. It refers to their diet while in training.”

“Oh, right sir. Well now that you mention it the yogurt being served to the team has been recently reformulated.”

“How so Hermes.”

“I don’t know sir”

“Then how do you know it has been reformulated?” asked Zeus.

“Because the yogurt container says so.”

“You didn’t read the nutrition label?”

“Who has time to read Sir,” replied Hermes.

“I suggest you fetch the new yogurt and have a look at the label. We wouldn’t have any of the old yogurt lying around would we?” asked Zeus.

“I just happen to have one of each with me sir.”

“You do? That’s strange,” replied Zeus.

“I love the stuff,” replied Hermes.

“Yes, you do seem to be a bit doughy these days. Hmm, it appears the only real change is that the serving size of the new yogurt is 8oz. Twice as much as that of the old yogurt. It seems it always had quite a bit of carbs.”

“4 oz? Who eats just 4oz at a sitting. That’s not even worth the energy sir.”

“Well Hermes, I am not Hippocrates but I do know a few things about the body and the intake of too much sugar is not good for it. If the impaling was not evidence enough then kindly look at Gluteus Maximus and tell me what you see.”

“His gluteus is really maximized. I believe the youth call it having too much ‘junk in the trunk sir.'”

“So what do you plan on doing about it.”

“Order a larger pair of shorts sir?”

“Pay attention Hermes. What do you plan on doing about the problem as a whole”

“Um, sweeten the plain yogurt with honey sir.”

“Good idea Hermes.”

“I will do so right away sir. Anything else ?”

“Yes. If you come across Pheidippides tell him to switch to the plain yogurt but not before he fetches Pandora for me.”

“Um, Pandora? Ok sir. Will do sir”


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