Well I seem to be comfortably ensconced in stage two of the Holiday Blues (Cynicism). The lack of fresh snow doesn’t help. Christmas music is providing some relief but I will admit that sometimes traditional christmas carols, as well as classic holiday movies, have the power to inflame the condition.
“Christmas in Hollis” works much better.
I expect to break out of my festive funk today with some holiday shopping. It usually does the trick. I am not a shopping kind of guy but the holidays are different. While I continue to work out of my funk enjoy episode two of my Black Friday Series.
Black Friday: Living On The Down Low
A week had gone by at the local Big Box and Xena had managed to avoid being sold. They had been lucky, thought Larry. Their luck would run out soon. He was getting nervous.
Yo had the job of finding a suitable disguise for Xena. He was not exactly the brightest Yo- Yo on the planet, ok his string didn’t spin very fast on his hub if you know what I mean, but he could move around the store much faster than Larry and time was of the essence.
Larry was grateful that Yo was willing to take the risk of being out in the open during prime buying season. He could no longer move like, well, lets face he could never really move all that fast.
It was probably because he was big boxed.
Yo had come back with several potential disguises but for one reason or another they all turned out to be bad ideas. The one idea that had come closest to solving their problem was when Yo discovered a box containing Hug Me Elmo.
It wouldn’t take much to take out Elmo and dispose of the body. They also thought that he would not be in high demand given the scandal surrounding the Elmo puppeteer but Larry was worried the buying public had a short memory and since the Hug Me version did not sound as suspicious as the Tickle Me edition he did not want to take a chance on its marketability.
Larry was beginning to think it was time to think outside his box when Yo swung back from his latest expedition sounding triumphant.
“You sound exuberant. You had some luck I take it?” asked Larry.
“Huh, no I don’t need any lubricant. What are you talking about?” replied Yo.
“I said exuberant, it means excited.”
“Oh yea. I am exited. I found a perfect disguise for Xena.” replied Yo.
“Well, where is it?” asked Larry.
“After the last couple of failures I was not going to go swinging halfway across the store with it. Its a box of some kind of ping-pong things.”
“Ping-Pong Paddles?” queried Larry.
“Yea, that it.” answered a proud Yo.
“So, no batteries required?”
“Nope,” answered Yo.
“Nothing to plugin?”
“Nope again,”replied Yo.
“So its something they could play in a power outage or the coming apocalypse?” asked Larry.
“The alpaca what?”, replied Yo.
“When the stuff hits the fan.” answered Larry.
“Oh. Yea, light a few candles and I suspect there wouldn’t be a problem.” said Yo.
“It’s perfect. They’ll never buy it.” said Larry with a big grin on his box and added “Will you need help getting the box over to Xena in the gadget section?”
“No, in the time it would take you to get there someone could take out your insides and put them together.” laughed Yo.
“You do know that this box is a disguise and inside I am legos and not a 10,000 piece mercator puzzle of the world don’t you?”
“Uh, yeah. Hey, it could take a while to put legos together.” “I’ll be fine,” he said as he swung away toward the electronics department.
Sometime later Yo returned. “You can relax now Larry. Looking at Xena you would have no idea she’s the latest Xbox.”
“Just in the nick of time too. I just heard the manager saying they were going to put them on sale before we open today.” stated Larry. Just then the door chimed and signaled the store opening. The stampede had begun.
Having looped his string to the shelf unit Yo whispered “Quick Larry, toss me down behind the shelf”*. Larry did as he was told and then stayed in the back. His disguise had worked well but he wasn’t going to push his luck.
The sound of footsteps was soon accompanied by voices and the carnage began. Both Yo and Larry were sweating it out, well as much as toys could sweat, and the hours ticked by.
Larry was about to fall asleep when he heard a familiar voice in the electronic section say “Come here honey. Get a load of this.”
“What is it Harold?” replied a woman.
“I do believe it’s an old electronic Pong game Marge.”
“Yikes,” gasped Larry.
Now he recognized that voice. It was the vintage toy collector that he barely escaped from a few years back. “Yo, you said you found a box of Ping Pong paddles.”
“Well it had the word pong on the box so I just figured that’s what it was.” replied Yo rather sheepishly.
“Swell, remind me to rewind your string extra tight.”
Larry and Yo listen as Harold and Marge excitedly carried away their find to the front desk. Soon they exited the store with a big bag containing Xena.
“We’ll never see Xena again Yo.” said a sad Larry.
“Don’t worry Larry, another sexy gadget is just around the corner.” replied Yo trying to comfort him.
“You don’t understand Yo. She was just my type.”
“Oh Larry, all big boxes are your type.”
“That’s not true Yo. There was something about Xena. No matter what box she was in she had a certain ju ne se qua.” lamented Larry.
“A june bug what?” asked Larry.
“It’s French. A certain I don’t know what.” replied Larry
Yo shook his head and replied “Yea I don’t know what those French are trying to say either.”
Stay tuned for the next installment of the Black Friday Adventures. Will Larry be convinced that all sexy gadgets are alike and a replacement for Xena is just around the corner?
Will Larry try to rescue Xena?
Will Yo get an French-English dictionary?
Answers to these questions and those being asked by the voices in the authors head are coming to this blog soon.
*Sure Yo could swing himself across the store but his fear of the dark prevented him from hiding behind the shelf without a little push.