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World News Outage

Zaphod  Muhamin , a  prominent member of the Iranian government, was relaxing with his laptop when a trusted aid burst into his office.

“Excuse me honorable one for the interruption in your busy schedule , but I just received word that one of our prime sources of news is going out of print and will only offer news online. ”

Zaphod  hid his laptop and was about to berate his assistant when the realization of what was said sank in. “Which one, The New York Times or the Washington Post?”

“Neither sir. The Onion sir.”

“Oh not “The Onion”, that is our most trusted news source of all.”, exclaimed Zaphod.

“Do you think the Council on Western Culture could see its way to allow online access to the Onion sir”, asked the assistant.

“No I do not. The Council is most emphatic on its ban of the internet to guard against the influence of the Great Satan”.

“Microsoft sir?”

“No. America you fool.”

“Oh, of course sir, I um, was just poking fun.”

Zaphod ignored the lie and pondered this unfortunate turn of events. “Where will we look to fill the dark informational chasm that will be left behind?” , he asked.

“That is a conundrum sir but  more importantly what will we do in those “quiet” times when men need reading material when they “think”?”, asked the assistant.

“Oh my that is a dilemma but I do know of the existence of a stash of Penny Savers from 1974 that may be of some use in that regard.”

“Most excellent sir”, replied the assistant.

“Well it will do until we can find other material. I may have a line on the most holiest of holy of reading materials”, said Zaphod.

“You’re not kidding? “, exclaimed the assistant. “You don’t mean ..”

“ Yes I do “ , replied Zaphod. “ I just may know where a stockpile of People Magazines are located”. “Oh that would be most desirable sir,” replied the assistant.

“Now go to your rolodex and put in a few calls to the people we know in the Chinese government.”, ordered Zaphod.

“Oh, for the People Magazines?”, asked the assistant.

“No you dolt. The Onion is also their source for hard news. Find out what they will use for their alternative source.”

“ Of course sir. Consider it done sir. “

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