Rays of sunshine peaked around fluffy white clouds as another day dawned at the gates. Herbert was on duty at the arrival desk providing for more vacation relief. Apparently St Peter was trying to get an afterlife.
The first shuttle of the day pulled up and a full compliment of arrivals disembarked. Herbert wasn’t sure but given that they all were wearing the same clothes, almost costumes really, he surmised they knew each other. Looking at the manifest he confirmed his suspicion.
“Yep, they’re all political consultants. That explains the plain grey suits and ties in what I assume is this years power color.”
The first person of the group stepped up to the podium.
“Hello I have been asked to be the spokesperson of the group.”
“Of course you have, What’s on your mind?”
“So, Are we correct in assuming these are the gates to heaven?”
“You are correct in assuming so sir.”
Herbert felt strange. He normally was not so formal. Perhaps it was the suits.
“Well, we are quite confused as to how we made it here?”
“Oh, why is that?”
“Aside from the fact that we are all political consultants, we also all basically committed suicide.”
“Well, as to the first part I can only say that is not immediate grounds for relocation to the basement so to speak. Unless you worked for Hitler, Mussolini or various other despots. I have a list here if you would like to check.”
“No, that won’t be necessary. We were not employed by any of those.”
“And as for the second part of your claim, I am quite certain you are mistaken. The shuttle would have taken you to a holding area to adjudicate the circumstances. Are you sure you all ended your lives?”
“Well not physically as such but we all gave up the will to live.”
“That’s not grounds for adjudication. But really; All of you? What possessed you to do that.”
“Well, it was quite a lot of things but mostly we were all tired of not being listened to.”
“Yes, that’s right,” the group shouted in unison.
At this point individuals began stepping forth to add their own voices to the discussion.
“It wasn’t like our advice was hard to understand,” said the average looking one in a suit.
“Yea, it was in plain language,” said another indistinguishable one in a suit.
“Yes,” said another one looking like, well you know the drill.
“We even put it on a flash card around their neck so they could consult it whenever they were asked a question,” added the spokesperson.
“Sounds like a good idea,” replied Herbert. “What did it say?”
“It says and I quote “Whatever you’re are thinking, don’t say it.”
“And that didn’t work?”
“Oh no, They just laughed and proceeded to insult every voting demographic that exists. Some of them we didn’t know existed until they expressed their rage.”
“Yea, And we had to clean up the mess,” shouted another, uh, nondescript arrival.
“Sorry to hear that but that is no longer your concern so you can all relax. I do have one question if you don’t mind?”
“Oh sure, you’re the gatekeeper by all means.”
“There is one gentlemen that kinds of stands out over there in the back.”
“Is he the naked one covered in rather large bandages?”
“Yes and those are bumper stickers. He lost his mind before he lost the will to live.”
“You don’t say. What caused that?”
“Oh, the bumper stickers I supposed. Those were his clients last request before he just lost it.”
“What do they say?”
“The candidate apologizes in advance for anything offensive he will say soon”
“That would do it.”